Ed Morrissey at Captain's Quarters has come into possession of an al Qaeda membership application which he has posted for our consideration:
Application For al-Qaeda Membership
Allahu akbar! So you've decided to join the fastest-growing organization of psychopathic murderers in the world today. Due to the exciting type of work we perform, we always have room for more volunteers, and so we welcome you to our ranks. We'd like to get to know you, while we can, so please answer a few questions for us:
Name: Abu ____________
Real name: __________________
Gender: ______ Male __________ Chattel (if so, stop here)
Marital Status: ____ Single _____ Married (# of wives: ______)
Reason For Interest In al-Qaeda (circle all that apply):
a. Hatred for everything Western, except those hot babes on Baywatch
b. Suicidal impulse but lacking the skills to carry it out
c. Inability to get women to date me
d. Want to travel and see the world before I realize my ambition to destroy it
e. Having 72 inexperienced young girls later sounds better than dealing with one nagging woman now
Would you be willing to relocate? Y/N
If Y, in pieces? Y/N
Do you have any of the following disqualifying conditions?
a. Conscience
b. Soul
c. Survival instinct
d. Half a brain or more
e. Fear of flying