The satirical
Babylon Bee reports on the next brilliant idea by some state governments to save lives:
Many states have begun extending their lockdowns permanently in a bid to end traffic deaths for good.
States found that as they locked everybody in their homes, car accidents virtually disappeared. So they did the obvious thing and decided the lockdowns should be made permanent.
"A million people die in auto accidents every year, and if you want people to be able to go outside, you obviously want all these people to die," said New York Governor Andrew Cuomo. "Why do you hate people so much, anti-science bigots? I'll wait for an answer."
Cuomo then just stood there, arms folded, waiting for an answer, but since it was a live stream, he stood for hours before aides finally cut the feed off.
Scientists believe the lockdown can also end all deaths from various other sources:
- Shark attacks
- Falling into the Grand Canyon
- Getting crushed by a falling pine tree
- Being mauled by a grizzly bear
- Skydiving
- Getting run over by a steam roller
"Together, we can defeat death itself," said California Governor Gavin Newsom as he announced the state would be under lockdown permanently. "O traffic deaths, where are your sting?"
Unfortunately, new projections indicate the number of people who will die of starvation and other lockdown-related causes may offset the decrease in traffic deaths.
And so they would. Here's another, more serious, piece that's apparently been making the rounds on the web, sent to me by a friend:
- When the State tells you it’s safe to go to Home Depot to buy a sponge, but it’s too dangerous to go to a florist and buy flowers—it’s not about your health.
- When the State shuts down millions of private businesses but doesn’t lay off a single government employee—it’s not about your health.
- When the State bans dentists because it’s unsafe, but deems abortion visits safe—it’s not about your health.
- When the State prevents you from buying cucumber seeds because it’s too dangerous, but allows in-person lottery ticket sales—it’s not about your health.
- When the State tells you it’s too dangerous to go golf alone, fish alone or be in a motorboat alone, but the Governor can get his stage make- up and hair done for 5 TV appearances a week—it’s not about your health.
- When the state puts you in jail for walking in a park with your child because it’s too dangerous but lets criminals out of jail for their health—it’s not about your health!
- When the state tells you it’s too dangerous to get treated by a doctor of chiropractic or physical therapy treatments yet deems a liquor store essential—it’s not about your health!
- When the State lets you go to the grocery store or hardware store but is demanding mail-in voting, it's not about your health!
It's hard to argue with the logic of this, or, for that matter, with the logic of the plan to eliminate traffic deaths by making the lockdown permanent. To see the sense of it one need only think like a government bureaucrat.
