Why is it that we can't have disagreements about politics, religion, whether to get vaccinated or not, climate change, evolution or a host of other topics without people losing their tempers, and not uncommonly, their minds? Why is it that disagreements ruin friendships and split families?
I know of one married couple who divorced over a political disagreement, and I'm sure there are other couples who've experienced serious tension in their marriage over politics and/or religion.
It seems that it'd be good for those of us who enjoy the to and fro of engaging with friends, family and acquaintances around ideas that are important to us to keep in mind that there are more important things than proving ourselves right on this or that issue.
It would be good to keep in mind that those who disagree with us will not be won over to our way of seeing things if our demeanor is arrogant, scowling, and angry. They certainly won't find our opinions compelling if we resort to insulting them or their ideas.
The most effective way to disagree is with a humble attitude, acknowledging to ourselves and to the other person that we could be wrong about whatever it is we are discussing. A winsome approach, full of humility and humor, is likely to be far more persuasive than pummelling one's interlocutor with polemical rabbit punches.
In almost every instance, it'll be more important that we love the person with whom we're engaged in conversation than that we "win" an argument with them. After all, as an old aphorism has it, "A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still."
If the other person gets angry and insulting then it's better that we change the subject to something less contentious. What good can come of continuing the discussion under those circumstances anyway?
If we can love those with whom we disagree, if we can say, "I don't think you're correct, but you're more important to me than my being right," I think we'll be much more attractive to those who differ with us and much more effective in presenting our views and gaining those views a serious hearing.
Political, philosophical and religious differences are important, in many cases extremely so, but they're not the most important thing. The most important thing is that we treat each other with dignity, respect and kindness.
Folks on social media often don't treat each other that way, but we should.
It's also important to remember that an argument is not a shouting match or an insult fest. An argument is simply an attempt to defend what one believes to be the truth of some matter by putting forth reasons for believing it and countering objections.
If doing this devolves into people yelling at each other then it's no longer an argument, it's a quarrel or a verbal brawl.
Anyway, writing this post brought to mind an old Monty Python skit titled The Argument Clinic. It's pretty funny:
