Over the last sixty or so years, it has grown increasingly difficult to have political conversations with people who vote differently from oneself. There are probably lots of reasons for this, but perhaps one is that our culture has, in large measure, lost the art of dialogue. By that, I mean we've forgotten certain basic conversational rules that help to prevent tensions and defensiveness.
One of these rules, of course, is to eschew insults; another is to employ humor whenever possible.
Insults convey a lack of respect for the person to whom the insult is directed, and no one wants to listen to someone who disrespects him.
Humor on the other hand, especially self-deprecating humor, is disarming. It opens people up and makes them more receptive to what we have to say.
A third rule that's often forgotten or ignored is to be humble.
Benjamin Franklin, in his Autobiography, elaborated a bit on this last one. He wrote that in seeking to explain his opinion on some matter, he made it a practice to never use, whenever "he advanced anything that may possibly be disputed, the words certainly, undoubtedly, or any other that gave the air of positiveness to an opinion."
Instead, he recommended saying "I conceive or apprehend a thing to be so and so; it appears to me, or I should think it so and so, for such and such reasons; or I imagine it to be so, if I'm not mistaken."
Such humility has the effect of making one's opinion seem more appealing, less dogmatic, and more winsome than does asserting the opinion in a peremptory or pugnacious fashion.
Whether we're discussing politics or religion, dogmatism, aggressiveness, and cock-suredness are often unpleasant and only serve to antagonize and alienate one's dialogue partner. If we really want to win the other person to our view we should avoid such antagonisms as far as we are able.
Otherwise, no matter how impeccable our logic, no matter how strong our reasons, a doctrinaire lack of humility will only cause the fellow across the table to erect a kind of intellectual or emotional force field around himself, which will be impermeable to all our logic and reasons.
If we want people to listen to what we have to say we have to say it in ways that are appealing. A lack of humility almost guarantees that the other person won't listen or take us seriously.
