Burning Panda spoofs twenty eight arguments against Intelligent Design and in support of Darwinian evolution which he has gleaned from the media over the past several months. The material apparently is no longer on his site, which seems to have been dropped. This is too bad because some of the arguments are apparently persuasive enough to have convinced some journalists:
After surveying the literature over the past few months, I've compiled the best arguments against Intelligent Design and in favor of neo-Darwinism.
1) The Monty Python Proof:
1. Michael Behe is an intelligent design theorist who was seen at a church
2. But only creationist's go to church
3. Michael Behe's a creationist! Burn him!
4. Therefore Evolution is true.
2) The argument from really, really, really big bones:
1. Some scientists found a bone
2. It was a really big bone
3. Manatees are really big, but manatees don't have this bone
4. The bone must have belonged to an older form of manatee that has now evolved.
5. Therefore evolution is true.
3) The argument from icky things:
1. There's moles on some people.
2. No designer would ever design moles.
3. Therefore evolution is true.
4) The argument from age of the earth:
1. Earth is 4.5 billion years old
2. Therefore evolution is true.
5) The either/or argument:
1. If evolution is true then creationism is false.
2. creationism is false because evolution is true.
3. therefore evolution is true.
6) The argument from scientists:
1. Scientists are perfect and never, ever lie.
2. Scientists believe that evolution can explain everything.
3. Therefore evolution is true.
7) The argument from truth as determined by peer review:
1. There has never been anything published in peer-reviewed journals by ID theorists (Meyer, Dembski, Behe, Schaeffer, Thaxton, etc)
2. If it's never been published then ID is false
3. Therefore evolution is true.
8) The argument from falsifiability:
1. ID isn't real science because it isn't falsifiable.
2. Evolution is true and has falsified design.
3. Therefore evolution is true.
9) The Scotsman Fallacy of Antony Flew:
1. No scientist believes there is an Intelligent Designer.
2. Well, some do.
3. No REAL scientist believes in an intelligent designer.
4. Therefore evolution is true.
10) The argument from a hissing feminist:
1. Intelligent Design presupposes a patriarchal womanizer!
2. Well, as a feminist I can't tolerate that!
3. Feminist response- "Hiiiiiiiiissssssssssssssssssss!"
4. Therefore evolution is true.
11) The argument from computer programs:
1. A programmer wrote a program that he installed on a computer.
2. The code took written words and randomly placed them together, under certain programmed rules, to form complete sentences.
3. See? Random processes CAN create information.
4. Therefore evolution is true.
12) The Choo Choo Train proof:
1. A long time ago trains were fueled by wood.
2. Then they evolved and were fueled by steam
3. Now trains are powered by electricity
4. So trains have evolved by completely random processes!
5. Therefore evolution is true.
13) The 'It's our only Hope' proof:
1. If intelligent design is true then everything will return to a theocracy.
2. Seriously, there will be witch hunts.
3. Children will be raised to believe in purpose! (oh dear...)
4. We can never let that happen! Help me evolution you're my only hope.
5. Therefore evolution is true.
14) The Evolutionary Modal Ontological Argument:
1. There is a possible world where evolution can explain everything necessarily.
2. So evolution is necessary then?
3. Therefore evolution is true.
15) The Argument from Eyes:
1. If dolphins have eyes and birds have eyes then evolution is true.
2. Dolphins have eyes and birds have eyes.
3. Therefore evolution is true.
16) The argument from ignorance:
1. Intelligent Design theorists are ignorant.
2. I mean come on, how could anyone seriously believe that?
3. No really, how?
4. Therefore evolution is true.
17) The argument against fancy words:
1. Intelligent Design Theorists use really big words.
2. If they are using big words, then they are just trying to sound smart.
3. But if they are trying to sound smart, they really aren't smart.
4. Therefore evolution is true.
18) The argument from the Crusades:
1. Christians fought in the crusades and committed horrible atrocities.
2. Christians are creationists.
3. Intelligent Design is Creationism in a cheap tuxedo.
4. So Intelligent Design theorist's are responsible for the horrible atrocities of the crusades.
5. Therefore evolution is true.
19) The argument of mistaken vocational identity:
1. An Intelligent Design Theorist mistakenly called a biochemist a chemist once.
2. How can the ID theorist be so retarded?
3. Therefore evolution is true.
20) The argument from mystery:
1. Intelligent Design takes the mystery from science.
2. Therefore evolution is true.
21) The 'That's just the way it is' argument:
1. I wish there was purpose to life, but there isn't.
2. I'm really sorry.
3. Therefore evolution is true.
22) The argument from Children's Imagination:
1. Only children believe in Santa Claus
2. Belief in God is kind of like belief in Santa Claus
3. Therefore evolution is true.
23) The argument from lunacy:
1. A guy on a lot of drugs once claimed to feel God
2. But he was on drugs.
3. Therefore evolution is true.
24) The argument from David Silverman:
1. David Silverman debated Norman Geisler once.
2. David Silverman can talk louder, faster, and over Geisler.
3. Geisler could barely get a word in!
4. Boy, if Silverman can talk faster than Geisler, then he must have won the debate.
5. Therefore evolution is true.
25) The Gold Star argument:
1. An atheist quit going to Sunday school because he didn't get the gold star one week.
2. He's been an atheist ever since.
3. Therefore evolution is true.
26)The argument from shared molecular structures
1. Amoeba's have proteins
2. Humans have proteins.
3. Therefore evolution is true.
27) The flat earth association argument:
1. There were some creationists who used to believe the earth was flat a long, long time ago.
2. But the earth is a sphere
3. Therefore evolution is true.
28) The appeal to Richard Dawkins:
1. Richard Dawkins is an evolutionist
2. Richard Dawkins is also smart
3. Therefore evolution is true.
As if they wanted to deliberately ad their own contribution to the media's shameful record of ignorance of what Intelligent Design entails, both scientifically and philosophically, our local newspaper ran this editorial Friday night. It complains about debate in the state House of Representatives over a bill which would ensure that teaching ID was permitted in Pennsylvania's public schools and takes several risible swipes at ID along the way.
The editorial states, for instance that, ID is "a sideshow of creationism in which the fossil record and scientific evidence of millions of years gets tossed in favor of scripture," and refers to ID as "religious zealotry."
It's pretty clear from this column that whoever wrote it has either never read the ID literature or has chosen to willfully to misrepresent it. The writer is, in other words, either ignorant of what he writes about or he is dishonest.
Thanks for the Burning Pandas post to Telic Thoughts.
