I replied to her with this (slightly edited):
My problem with the emphasis on white privilege in the academy is that it's divisive and breeds resentment and bitterness among both blacks and whites. When people are taught that one group, of which they're not a member, has advantages that they'll never have simply because of their race it fosters bitterness among the "disadvantaged" group and generates resentment toward those who are perceived to have the unfair advantage.Not only is such a belief dispiriting, it's also false. Too many minorities have done well in this country to think that being a member of a minority group ipso facto puts success out of one's reach. Those who promote the white privilege meme are, whether they realize it or not, handing those who never succeed because they never try a convenient rationalization for their both to succeed and to try. As such, it's insidious.
This causes us as a society to be further divided into us/them categories which I think is exactly what we don't need.
It also breeds resentment and bitterness among those in the "privileged" group because they resent being made to feel guilty simply because of their skin color.
Not only does talk of "white privilege" encourage these effects, I think it's psychologically harmful to blacks and other minorities in that it's dispiriting for people to believe that no matter how hard they work they'll always be at a relative disadvantage.
It's insidious also because it's so divisive. When people who've worked hard to achieve are told that they succeeded largely because of their race it can cause them to feel either enormous guilt or enormous resentment. The first is socially and psychologically crippling while the second creates a lot of social animosity. Indeed, one reason Donald Trump is president today is because many people resent having to apologize for things for which they bear no personal responsibility.
Some might say that if white privilege exists then we should talk about it regardless of the consequences, but I don't think those who'd say this really mean it. If they did then they'd have to apply the principle across the board that no racial issues should be quarantined because of their consequences, and that would mean that the question of relative intelligences among the races would be open for serious discussion, but it clearly is not.
Anyway, it's past time to relegate talk of "white privilege" to the trash bin of "very unhelpful ideas." Talking about it does no good and does much harm.